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Literature Text
The wind caresses my face,
The tears running down my cheeks feel cold and weakened,
My journey ahead is long and unknowing,
I try to supress my thoughts.
The sun showers me with warmth,
The night generously lends me time.
My thoughts are scattered,
My pen finds it hard to reach my paper,
Illusions, past and present time.
Like a tumbling leaf, in the cool autumn wind,
I run, not knowing which way to go,
The wind is overwhelming at times,
Pushing me right and left.
I run faster,
I can feel my heart pounding,
Leaping to you.
To you.
The tears running down my cheeks feel cold and weakened,
My journey ahead is long and unknowing,
I try to supress my thoughts.
The sun showers me with warmth,
The night generously lends me time.
My thoughts are scattered,
My pen finds it hard to reach my paper,
Illusions, past and present time.
Like a tumbling leaf, in the cool autumn wind,
I run, not knowing which way to go,
The wind is overwhelming at times,
Pushing me right and left.
I run faster,
I can feel my heart pounding,
Leaping to you.
To you.
Poem about life 
© 2010 - 2024 Oceania-Bleu
Comments22
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It's nice and firm on what it is. You have the idea, and that's always nice. However, the image seems to break a little. You start with running, then at the middle it switches to pen and it interrupts it. I would stick with one strong image and set it through the entire thing.
The other minor issues I see is wording. You really don't need those commas at the end of each sentence, only when there is a LONG pause, because people are going to pause there anyway. "I can feel my heart pounding" Also sounds better without the word can. "I feel my heart pounding." But everything else is spot on.
The last thing is probably just me, but a more concrete setting would be nice. The setting is scattered here and there, and it would fit better in one piece stretched across the poem. When worded right, it can still flow easy like it already does, but it'd just have more stuffing packed in.
It was a nice read though. Flowed nice, no trip ups. Most people screw up on that bit.
The other minor issues I see is wording. You really don't need those commas at the end of each sentence, only when there is a LONG pause, because people are going to pause there anyway. "I can feel my heart pounding" Also sounds better without the word can. "I feel my heart pounding." But everything else is spot on.
The last thing is probably just me, but a more concrete setting would be nice. The setting is scattered here and there, and it would fit better in one piece stretched across the poem. When worded right, it can still flow easy like it already does, but it'd just have more stuffing packed in.
It was a nice read though. Flowed nice, no trip ups. Most people screw up on that bit.